Formal Self-Introduction Letter
Dear Prof Brad,
It is a pleasure to write this introductory letter to you in hopes that it allows you to get to know me better. My name is Nur Aziera and I am a freshman studying mechanical mngineering. Like most other students, before I entered the Singapore Institute of Technology (SiT), I recently graduated from Temasek Polytechnic (TP) with a diploma in aerospace engineering. It had always been my childhood interest to learn more about aircraft as I was ever so fascinated by its components and mechanics aspect of it. However, even though my interest was in aerospace, my passion is not in the engineering industry. Instead, my passion lies in wanting to be an educator who teaches physics in secondary school. In order for me to be able to teach physics in future, I will require to have at least a degree in engineering. Since I was already studying aerospace engineering at TP, I decided to further my studies in mechanical engineering which is known to be a very versatile field in the working industry.
Personally, I believe my communication strength lies in my ability to be a good listener. Since I was a child, I was taught to be aware of others’ feelings and thoughts as imparting support and understanding to others are one of the best ways to be a good communicator. With this strength, my loved ones find it easy to come to me and share their opinions without worrying that they will get judged. For my weakness, I would consider myself to be someone who is introverted and have little confidence when it comes to presenting my ideas. Every time when I have to share my ideas with a group of people, I would always contemplate and hesitate in doing so.
From here, the first specific goal I want to achieve from the module is to refine my writing in terms of grammatical errors as grammar is the foundation of good writing which will then allow my intended audiences to understand me better. The second specific goal is that I hope to build up my confidence further in spoken interaction especially when it comes to presenting myself and sharing my ideas. I highly believe that sharing ideas is crucial in the working industry as my ideas could potentially be a solution to a problem faced in an organisation that I am working for.
May this module further bridge the clarity and confusion in good communication.
Best regards,
Nur Aziera
Hi Aziera,
ReplyDeleteI am Isaac from your class and I will be reviewing your introduction. After reading your introduction, I noticed just a few areas which can be improved. For example, there is a sentence fragment in your first paragraph: "In order for me to do that, it requires me to have at least a degree in engineering", the sentence by itself has no subject. Another error would be a grammar error in the second paragraph: "imparting support and understanding to others is one of the best ways to be a good communicator", should be "are" instead of "is". Apart from the two area's pointed out, I thought it had a nice flow and it was very well written. Keep it up!
Hi Isaac,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter and giving me constructive feedback. I have already made the necessary changes. Hope it is much better now!
Best Regards,
Nur Aziera
Hi Aziera, here are some my thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. "From here, the two specific goals I want to achieve from the module are to build up my confidence further in spoken interaction especially when it comes to presenting myself and sharing my ideas." You mention two specific goals at the start of the sentence by you ending with only give one. I think you can either rephrase the front of the sentence of include your other point in this sentence.
Hi Lucas,
DeleteThank you for the feedback and for taking the time to read my letter. I have already made some changes and rephrase the front sentence as advised by you. Hope that makes more sense now.
Best Regards,
Nur Aziera
Hi Aziera. It was a pleasure to read your letter. Just some comments.
ReplyDelete1. In the fourth sentence of your first paragraph, I feel that it should be "to learn more about aircrafts" or "to learn more about how an aircraft works" instead of "to learn more about aircraft"
2. In explaining your strengths and weaknesses in communication, are there some examples you would like to share as well?
Overall, your letter is nicely crafted with a nice flow.
Hi Shameer,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter. I have already made the necessary changes to point 2 as mentioned by you. However for the "aircraft", I believed the plural of aircraft will still be aircraft without the 's'. Nonetheless, thank you for the feedback.
Best Regards,
Nur Aziera
Dear Aziera,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and yet fairly detailed letter with the personal sharing. I appreciate that your content is well aligned with the assignment brief, that the organization is effective and you have nearly flawless language use. In fact, you've done a good job providing supporting details for each specific content area, allowing your readers to gain a better understanding of who you are.
I'm especially impressed that you show such good empathy that your 'loved ones' come to you to share. Of course, as a lifelong educator, I also am enthused that you intend to become a teacher. (Best of luck with that !)
There are a few minor areas to take note of in this letter:
1. Overuse of caps
-- studying Mechanical Engineering > ?
-- an educator who teaches Physics > ?
2. Phrasing
-- In order for me to be able to teach Physics in future, it will require me... > In order for me to be able to teach Physics in future, I will require ....
I look forward to getting to now you better this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteApologies for the late response. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and providing constructive feedback on my letter. I will make the necessary changes.
Best Regards,
Nur Aziera